the gummy.

certain folks, not surprisingly, were offended by what i wrote about the truckers during that memorable episode. it doesn't make me giddy with happiness to know i've upset people, nor does their lack of appreciation keep me up at night. the stupid prostate takes care of that just fine. i did delete the postings from facebook after, posted them yesterday on my blog-site for safe-keeping: artdelapaix.ca. 

one of the more colourful messages i've received, for example, went like this: "i've thought about learning meditation from you for some time. but your posts on facebook regarding the freedom convoy has turned me right the fxxk off. you call yourself a fxxkin man of peace and then you write angry shxt like that? fxxk you! i will not be joining your upcoming fxxkin meditation course." my immediate response, obviously, went like this: "who told you i'm a fxxkin man of peace? i've never said that. actually, i'm a fxxkin cranky old man. so, although i'll be fxxkin sorry to lose what would clearly have been your valuable input, i'll try my best to stay the fxxk calm and carry on." the fact is we've pulled the plug on my upcoming sessions anyway due to there being too much illness floating around at the moment.

i've held several private sessions in the last few months. and one young couple, who came most recently, generously brought a bag of 'happy goat' coffee and a tiny package of candies. upon handing me the candy, the lady mentioned that they're edible, which i thought an odd thing to say. i also thought it was odd that there were only two in the package, but i simply figured they must be quite special. and i discovered just how special a little while after scoffing one down the very next morning. 

it was delicous, thought about immediately eating the second, only by then i had recognized the familiar pot-plant motif on the package. not wanting to overdo a good thing i got busy and actually forgot all about it, until i realized i had the munchies. still, i really didn't think much about it and, after half a can of peaches, i took off to 'canadian tire.' but somewhere around 'cross-loop' i knew i was stoned. in fact, i was shxt-faced. it was remarkably strong, unsettling. i pulled off into the 'iga' parking lot and sat in my truck, waiting. as an old hippy, the feeling was not entirely unfamiliar in spite of it having been about fifty years since my last spliff. the problem was that i had absolutely no idea if there was more to come, so to speak, how fxxked up i was gonna get.    

the very first time i ever smoked a joint, in a friend's downtown toronto apartment, i kept insisting it wasn't affecting me. all i remember now, so many years later, is that i was leaning way out a window while my buddy held my legs, and i was hollering: 'this shxt's useless' over and over again. i recall that, a little while later, i was standing on a stool at a counter in a 'mr. donut' shop. and in my best w.c. fields voice i was hollering at the waitress: 'come over here my little apple fritter, my little vanilla cupcake.'

anyway, that was then and this is now. and i wondered: what's the difference between then and now? i really wasn't enjoying the fact that i was not in control of my being. that stuff was intense. but why did my buddy paul brown, just for example, end up in jail for a couple years. and how is it that now the stuff's considered medicine? in my day that was a hash brownie. now it's a gummy. but they both fxxk you up. 

i waited at the iga for about fifteen minutes before deciding, what the heck, and took off. i was able to buy what i set out to buy at 'canadian tire' without doing anything inappropriate. only i scraped the heck outta the side of my truck on a railing beside the carriage stand as i pulled out. and it occurred to me that i might've appreciated the truckers' convoy a heck of a lot more if i had simply eaten a gummy or two at the time.