updating the ipad.

thursday came and went without seeing the ‘ups’ delivery van i’d been waiting for. i’d been waiting for several weeks, in fact, for my brand-spanking new ipad.  

i ordered the thing on-line, through ‘apple’, as that was the responsible thing to do, because that’s the kind of guy i am. i coulda driven down to gatineau, bought the thing then and there. only, health experts and democratically-elected government officials asked me not to, and i do what i’m told. besides, a friend told me she’d previously received a new iphone within three-working days. 

only after actually pulling the trigger on the deal did i notice it would be coming from china, and it’d take a few weeks. had it not shown that before? had i missed that notation on the website? why was it coming from china? does ‘apple’ not have distributors in canada? is there no meaning to life? those were questions i asked myself at that moment.

after several days i received an email congratulating me on the fact that my order was on its way, shipped through ‘ups.’ there was no reward or trophy offered, and the ipad did not arrive as scheduled. so i waited the next day as well. i watched out my window all the live-long day like a faithful golden-retriever waiting for its master to return. i knew i had to be there to sign for the thing: there’d be a further delay if i missed the delivery. so i languished inside writing, reading, playing scrabble on my old cracked ipad and i jumped each time i thought i heard a vehicle approaching. my tail would begin wagging wildly while inevitably a wrong jalopy passed and i’d go back to my chair. 

the ‘ups’ website continued to say the delivery would be completed by the end of the day. i couldn’t find any phone number for ‘ups’ so i phoned ‘apple’ at 5:30. a lovely-sounding sympathetic lady eventually answered and looked over my order information. then she asked: “why did you purchase the ipad from china?” i remained silent, not trusting myself to say anything, but she soon admitted she couldn’t help other than to give me a phone number for ups which, i pointed out, was a tremendous help. 

i immediately called ‘ups’ and was put on hold, with no exaggeration, for a half hour. but i waited, because that’s what i do. i wait. and sometime just before all light and hope was sucked out of the day i did talk to a lovely-sounding sympathetic lady. she looked over my order and declared that the package had not passed through customs in time to be put on the truck that day. she added that probably it was because the ipad had come from china. then she asked why i ordered it from china. of course i guffawed and of course i suggested that i hadn’t order it from china, that i had of course innocently ordered it from ‘apple’. 
     
anyway, she apologized profusely for the wrong notation on the ups website and assured me it’d arrive next day for sure maybe. which of course it didn’t. by about four o’clock i kept muttering things like: ‘you couldn’t make stuff like this up.’ however, i had a phone number. so once again i called and once again was put on hold for a half hour. periodically a recorded message would suggest i check their website to discover how ‘ups’ is responding to the pandemic. but i already knew how they’re responding to the pandemic.

therefore i waited. and eventually a lovely-sounding sympathetic lady answered my call, looked over my order and offered apologies for having made me waste those days. she somehow sounded sincerely sorry, and didn’t even ask why i ordered it from china. so i admitted that i really had nothing better to do anyway and, i added, waiting for my new ipad was by far the most exciting part of my current life. she had a good laugh, so i guess i did something useful that day, yesterday.

as it stands, the new ipad will be delivered tomorrow or wednesday for sure maybe. but, really, i’ve gotten hours of enjoyment out of it already. 

what exactly’s on its way.

sometimes, when i’ve just returned home and walked in the door, i call out: “honey i’m home!” some might consider that odd seeing as i live alone. and i talk to my geranium too. mostly, however, i just talk to myself, alot. and recently i’ve had quite a debate going on, and so have i. the question was: do i pull the trigger on the purchase of a new ipad or not. and eventually my less practical better half won out. 

next i debated whether to buy it on-line or simply drive in to ‘staples.’ but i hadn’t been out and about in over two months. and folks of a certain vintage are still being encouraged to die alone in our lazy-boys until further notice. and anyway an ipad could hardly be considered an essential item, as much as it might feel like it these days. it aint food, medicine or toilet paper. anyway, originally it seemed that if anyone could be fine self-isolating for a month or three it should be me. well, i’ve been fine at home, only now i’m no longer sure how to dress, how to behave. so i purchased the ipad on-line.

the transaction of course went smoothly enough. of course that part was easy. of course you know these items cost a helluva lot and of course ‘apple’ snatched the funds up immediately. i received their gracious email receipt and then of course i waited, and i waited. ten days later i looked down at the ipad on my lap and, yup, it was the same old one with the cracks: time to check the parcel’s status. 

that’s when, after using the tracking number, i saw that the ipad was nicely wrapped and ready to leave... china. i had had no idea. no wonder it was taking so long to arrive. and i gotta admit that overall it felt a bit weird. at the risk of joining brian adams in the dog-house, or the wet-market as it were, i immediately envisioned some poor shlub in wuhan assembling the thing while coughing and wheezing. i couldn’t help myself. i have a vivid imagination. i pictured the ipad arriving, transmitting a clear spectacular picture along with covid-19 and me dying a slow death, even though i had the additional ‘apple care’ warranty. 

be that as it may, tonight, as i languish in my lazy-boy chatting with my geranium, i realize that i’m really not in a rush. and a voice inside my head keeps whispering: ‘i told you so, you idiot.’

my wild day out and about.

it was one of those days when the lock-down stay-at-home shxt felt less like self-isolation and more like self-flagellation. so i decided, fuggit, i’m gonna go crazy, wild and free. yeah that’s right: i went to the tim hortons drive-through. 

the young lady wearing clear plastic gloves at the window was super nice, seemed genuinely happy to see me. i felt for a moment as though i may have known her. and i enjoyed that coffee tremendously, probably because i didn’t make it. as i sat in the truck drinking and munching, i watched a fellow slowly drive by on a lawn-tractor, along the highway. he looked utterly unconcerned, his almost clownish lack of speed no issue at all: just moved along, as much right to be there as the trucks whizzing by or the granite boulders behind. 

i crumpled the bag, with the unfinished remains of whatever that was, threw it on the passenger-side floor and started the engine. as heart-stopping an experience as tim’s was, i felt like carrying on down into the village, to take a look around, go for a walk. 

there was an old guy, heavy plaid jacket and dark jeans, bent over collecting water at the spring with a younger guy waiting patiently from a respectful distance. the old guy looked around to see a reassuring gesture from the other. river road was mostly deserted, but someone waved nonchalantly as i passed, and then another. 

as i walked along burnside an acquaintance came out from the side of his house. while we chatted both of his sons came out to join and their cat couldn’t have cared less about the two hockey-stick rule. he or she rubbed up against my ankle as i bent to give a scratch. 

i wondered, while walking on, why i’d thought of those guys as acquaintances when clearly we were friends, happy to see each other again after so long. a kid rode up on a bike, made a circle around me smiling before wheeling off down the street. houses were quiet for the most part, peaceful. two or three folks in their yards along the way turned to wave, each wave a declaration of solidarity. 

i drove up to farrelton to see a buddy. we sat on opposite sides of his front porch talking seriously, seriously laughing and i noticed a deer in the field on my way out. the highway was strangely quiet as i headed back toward the end of my wild day. 

the pandemic’s been a helluva lot harder so far elsewhere, has robbed many of hope. still, as one ages, living in the moment takes on a greater significance, and that’s not at all bad. the future’s tremendously uncertain. hey, it may even be a better world. we can hope. 

what is certain, however, is that strangers have become acquaintances, acquaintances have become friends. and friends have always really been family.

“we have heard that we must love one another. but why? why must i love everyone? simply, because the reality is oneness. from the lowest worm that crawls under our feet to the largest creature that lives, all have various bodies, but are in fact one life.” Swami Vivekananda,