Sunday, August 24, 2014

the first mother.

who was that first mother?

one gets to the point where one sees oneself as simply 'being', a living organism, no personal history, devoid of hopes, dreams or unfulfilled desires. what was before that? where did that organism originate? who was the first mother? where or what is that source, really? these questions still remain after forty years of meditation. it's no good to accept what ancient sages have said or present religous leaders say.

i'm waiting for a specific medical test to be done, scheduled for the end of september. so there is every chance i'll be spending my birthday in a very strange and rather undignified position. i've never been much into my birthdays. i prefer to let the day go by each year quietly. but, while not wanting to celebrate, i also don't particularly like the idea of honoring the day of my first breath by having inanimate objects protruding from, well, you get the point.

we collect friends, acquaintances, relationships, family, through the life, all in a futile attempt to ignore the fact that we are actually alone. only we're not, not ever. the illusion is not that we're really alone no matter how many people we surround outselves with. the illusion is that we are really ever alone, no matter how few people we have around us. so there's no problem with surrounding oneself with family and friends. in fact, in my opinion and in spite of my personal example, the more the merrier. but, who was the first mother?

who was that first mother? i slithered away from my mother's home early, very early, worked hard, played hard. sometimes i felt i had to steal food. sometimes i slept in my broken-down old plymouth. one of the greatest turning points in my young life was when i ended up in a hospital bed unable to fend for myself. i couldn't eat, drink, wash or even go to the bathroom myself. i had no choice but to surrender, let go. for the first time i could remember, there was no struggle, no pain or pleasure.

that was during a birthday long, long ago and it was an eye-opener for me. i recapture the feeling daily and it's been increasingly interesting, enlightening, immeasurably freeing. it's been a great journey of discovery. while i still don't know who was that first mother, what i do know is that there is an incredibly peaceful space deep within each of us, free from problems, struggles, and it's waiting for everyone.

"when we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."
"spread love everywhere you go, first of all in your own house. give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor. let no one ever come to you without leaving better, happier. be the living example of god's kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your warm smile."
"reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal."

mother theresa.




 

Thursday, August 7, 2014

forever young.

may god bless and keep you always
may your wishes all come true
may you always do for others
and let others do for you
may you build a ladder to the stars
and climb on every rung
and may you stay forever young.
may you grow up to be righteous
may you grow up to be true
may you always know the truth
and always see the light surrounding you
may you always be courageous
stand upright and be strong
and may you stay forever young.
may your hands always be busy
may your feet always be swift
and may you have a firm foundation
when the wind changes and shifts
may your heart always be joyful
and may your songs always be strong
and may you stay forever young.  

bob dylan.




mushrooming out of control.

dear nathan;
     i've been experimenting with magic mushrooms a lot lately and find it enlightening. i've seen references in your writings to drugs, that you experimented as a young person. can you tell me what part lsd and other drugs played in your development?
      anonymous.

dear anonymous;
   nice name. catchy. it's true that i dabbled in some drugs in those early days. ok, i did a lot of the stuff. frankly, i was one of the lucky ones who escaped (relatively) unscathed. those were the proverbial flower-power late 60s/early 70s. those were heady days and those were enlightening and mind-opening experiences. of course, i had no philosophy or point of reference to help me understand what i was experiencing. i had no ability to articulate it.
    the first time i smoked marijuana i insisted that it was having no effect. then, at a 'mr. donut' shop a few minutes later, i jumped onto one of the stools and, in my best w.c. fields voice, yelled out to the waitress: "come over here my little donut, my little cup-cake, my little eclair!" the rest, as they say, is history.
     over those days, weeks and months, i tried some mushrooms, lsd and other drugs. in spite of not really understanding what was happening, in spite of the stuff actually having a detrimental effect on my nervous system, i can at least say it was life-changing. i became 'open' to new ways of viewing the world and myself. when i heard about a process called meditation, i was open, even fascinated. as i've said before, the idea that there is a possibility for a human to actually experience (or remember) where he or she comes from 'before' and goes to 'after', caught my attention completely. it still does.
     so, while i absolutely do not condone the use of substances at all, such as mushrooms and hyawaska, i will stop short of condemning their use. just please consider, that was then and this is now. these days, experimenting with mind-altering substances is even more dangerous than when i was young. people get caught virtually immediately. people get hooked with one pill, one injection, even one inhalation. these days, there's more out there which can readily shred the nervous system. as well, it's simply not necessary. the information of real ways to learn what the bleep is happening here, is available. be careful, my friend.
     by the way, do you know where magic mushrooms grow? here's a hint: it has something to do with cows and it aint pretty.
     nathan.