pema chodron.

from: ’The Places That Scare You’. by Pema Chodron.

without having ever met the lady i like her, have for many years. her writings always feel authentic, filled with a loving heart and an open mind. i don’t entirely understand what she writes, like within this article. for example, why should we stay in the so-called middle? why shouldn’t we dwell in a continuous state of equanimity and warmth? but i adore this line perhaps most of all: ”Becoming intimate with the queasy feeling of being in the middle of nowhere only makes our hearts more tender.”

the overall effect of this article, as well as others i’ve read that i don’t entirely understand, is incredibly lovely. chodron leads our attention to a state of compassion, for ourselves, for everyone. sometimes we don’t need to understand perfectly well. sometimes it’s enough to understand or perceive where the person’s coming from, so to speak. perhaps that’s just as the great lady so beautifully says: “it’s how the warrior learns to love.”

"We are told about the pain of chasing after pleasure and the futility of running from pain. We hear also about the joy of awakening, of realizing our interconnectedness, of trusting the openness of our hearts and minds. But we aren't told all that much about this state of being in-between, no longer able to get our old comfort from the outside but not yet dwelling in a continual sense of equanimity and warmth.
Anxiety, heartbreak, and tenderness mark the in-between state. It's the kind of place we usually want to avoid. The challenge is to stay in the middle rather than buy into struggle and complaint. The challenge is to let it soften us rather than make us more rigid and afraid. Becoming intimate with the queasy feeling of being in the middle of nowhere only makes our hearts more tender. When we are brave enough to stay in the middle, compassion arises spontaneously. By not knowing, not hoping to know, and not acting like we know what's happening, we begin to access our inner strength.
Yet, it seems reasonable to want some kind of relief. If we can make the situation right or wrong, if we can pin it down in any way, then we are on familiar ground. But something has shaken up our habitual patterns and frequently they no longer work. Staying with volatile energy gradually becomes more comfortable than acting out or repressing it. This open-ended tender place is called bodhichitta. Staying with it is what heals. It allows us to let go of our self-importance. It's how the warrior learns to love".