the fire that burns in me.

you know how, when you finally decide to go see a doctor about a problem, the problem goes away?

ok, so i finally made an appointment and the problem didn't exactly go away, only kinda wasn't so obvious, kinda unnoticeable actually. i explained to the good doctor that the problem may not be particularly obvious at that precise moment, noticeable at that time, but it honestly does in fact become obvious and noticeable at other moments and times. so i was a little taken aback when her eyes flew open wide, she threw her arms up in the air and hollered: "holy crap that's friggin awful! like, mary mother of god! how did you even get here!? jeezes murphy i am friggin god-smacked!"

now, i may be slightly exaggerating her reaction and the problem. it's nothing compared to, say, leprosy. i have known a couple of folks with leprosy so i can say that with some authority. but, it is a problem none-the-less to me. i will not bore you with the details except to say that it is in fact a problem. well, it's essentially me having trouble facing the end of my illustrious, not, basketball career. and why have i been meditating if not for unending fantastic-ness.

i suppose my problem would appear to be of very little consequence, of no particular significance to someone other than me. simply finding it harder to keep up with the young bball studs that i've been, for some god-forsaken reason, trying to impress, may seem trivial. but i'm not pleased, and i'm important to me. i can still go to the gym, shoot around, lift some weights, take a steam-bath and blow-dry my genitals like the really old guys do. there's even a complimentary genital-dryer there that may be more traditionally meant as a hair-dryer. i don't know, but i digress. i just can't, you know, get it on the way i used to.  

if it weren't for my mornings, i'd swear this whole meditation thing is a hoax, a fraud. oh yeah, and i woulda been a singularly unpleasant sorta person. that's pretty clear. but, still, i've been meditating a long long time, i have a problem and does that seem fair (?)

"weapons cannot cut it nor can fire burn it; water cannot wet it nor can wind dry it. it has no beginning nor any end, and that thou art." bhagavad gita. chapter 2, verse 3.