the awakening 1.

there are mornings when opening my eyes is a big work, a hard task, and hardly seems a reasonable option. i may have been in my bed all night, but in samadhi from early morning.

the space opens, the kundalini rises and i find myself, my more expanded, my more perfect self in samadhi for hours then. i may be lying under blankets or propped up against the head-board with a pleasant stream of thoughts gurgling like a distant stream of clear mountain water. closer than that, deep but all-pervasive, is a sun to warm the world, a centre for the loving arts, a song that brings us all together: 'sat chitt anand', absolute bliss consciousness.

there comes a time, perhaps at seven or eight or even nine o'clock, when i think to myself: 'geez, man, open yer eyes, get yer pants on, drink a coffee, join the living.' there inevitably comes a time when i think to myself: 'get a grip, get with the program,' and i'll take a peek. but, like the classic late-winter groundhog, i crawl back into my hole and i hear voices announcing the news: "not yet. not yet." it's just so beautiful in there, so pure and free.

a few years ago i visited dr. katz, the lovely and earnest wakefield optometrist whose office is sandwiched between the actual sandwich shop and the dollar store. i just thought maybe i needed some glasss. but, after more extensive testing than i expected, and rather than simply benefit from selling me a pair of specs, she sent me to a specialist. what ensued was a full year of tests, test after test, by different eye-specialists, in gatineau, hull, ottawa and back to gatineau. they could see the problem, but they were baffled. they shook their heads and ran me through more tests. they could see the problem, but they didn't know why. finally, i asked that last guy for a prognosis. "well," he began, "you may go blind all of a sudden, gradually or not at all." "but isn't that just like life?," i said, and we both laughed. they could all see the problem, but they didn't know why.

there are mornings when opening my eyes is a big work, a hard task, and hardly seems a reasonable option. i may have been in my bed all night, but in samadhi from early morning.