the sky over the gatineau hills.

the sky over the gatineau hills.
graham law.

the sky over the hills.

the sky over the hills.
graham law.

Saturday, September 3, 2016

the trouble i have - part two.


the trouble with writing a blog about meditation is that there's really not much to say. so, in attempting to write something of interest, to perhaps even entertain, one has a tendency to put ones proverbial foot in ones proverbial big mouth, which  brings me to the subject of my last posting.

i have received emails, some supportive, others rather ratty, all about my sexual orientation. so let me say this about that: firstly, any concern about my 'orientation' is kinda ludicrous. however, secondly, just because i quipped about going home with a guy after visiting a gay bath-house does not make me gay. actually going to a gay bath-house and subsequently actually going home with someone from there would suggest i might be gay. but, that was clearly not the case. the real question is: why do i care what anyone thinks about my sexual orientation(?)

be that as it may, many many years ago in a far-off land, i bought a dildo for one of the few girlfriends i've ever had in my life. yes. it was just a kind of a joke. i walked into the shop and was immediately amazed and frankly overwhelmed to see row upon row of dildoes of all different sorts arrayed in front of my wide eyes. so i asked the cute girl behind the counter to make a suggestion. she said, "well, you don't want to choose one that's bigger than 'yours' because you wouldn't want your girlfriend to get used to that." so i grabbed a humongous monster of a dildo and said, "then i guess this'll do." which, of course, sent her into peroxysms of laughter. so then i put that one back and took a tiny little thingy and said, "ok, ok, then this one." she laughed and laughed. it was so much fun, one of the best retail experiences of my adult life.

in the end, i purchased a modest but adequate-looking dildo that i found rather attractive. the sad thing is that my girlfriend actually did end up preferring the dildo to me, not because it was more substantial, not because i was so terrible in bed, not because i was too gay, but because at least the dildo didn't complain afterward about feeling drained or like an empty shell or a shadow of its former self.

the truth of the matter is, if you really must know, i absolutely do have gay-ness in me. i believe we all do. because the truth of the matter is, in my humble opinion, beyond male or female, gay or straight, black or white, this or that, love is love is love, life is life is life. the truth of the matter is i'm just happy i  can still sustain an erect back for a few minutes at a time.

the problem with writing a blog about meditation is that there's really not much to say. how does one articulate the beauty and benefits of taking time out to do absolutely nothing (?) suffice it to say that sometimes, after basketball, after everything, losing myself in the activity of ceasing all activity, in the all-consuming space of universal love, is so remarkably fulfilling, so completely satisfying that i could just stay like that forever. and eventually i suppose i will. think about it. no, really, think about it.


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