circa 1985, h.p. india.

circa 1985, h.p. india.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

the first mother.

who was that first mother?

one gets to the point where one sees oneself as simply 'being', a living organism, no personal history, devoid of hopes, dreams or unfulfilled desires. what was before that? where did that organism originate? who was the first mother? where or what is that source, really? these questions still remain after forty years of meditation. it's no good to accept what ancient sages have said or present religous leaders say.

i'm waiting for a specific medical test to be done, scheduled for the end of september. so there is every chance i'll be spending my birthday in a very strange and rather undignified position. i've never been much into my birthdays. i prefer to let the day go by each year quietly. but, while not wanting to celebrate, i also don't particularly like the idea of honoring the day of my first breath by having inanimate objects protruding from, well, you get the point.

we collect friends, acquaintances, relationships, family, through the life, all in a futile attempt to ignore the fact that we are actually alone. only we're not, not ever. the illusion is not that we're really alone no matter how many people we surround outselves with. the illusion is that we are really ever alone, no matter how few people we have around us. so there's no problem with surrounding oneself with family and friends. in fact, in my opinion and in spite of my personal example, the more the merrier. but, who was the first mother?

who was that first mother? i slithered away from my mother's home early, very early, worked hard, played hard. sometimes i felt i had to steal food. sometimes i slept in my broken-down old plymouth. one of the greatest turning points in my young life was when i ended up in a hospital bed unable to fend for myself. i couldn't eat, drink, wash or even go to the bathroom myself. i had no choice but to surrender, let go. for the first time i could remember, there was no struggle, no pain or pleasure.

that was during a birthday long, long ago and it was an eye-opener for me. i recapture the feeling daily and it's been increasingly interesting, enlightening, immeasurably freeing. it's been a great journey of discovery. while i still don't know who was that first mother, what i do know is that there is an incredibly peaceful space deep within each of us, free from problems, struggles, and it's waiting for everyone.

"when we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."
"spread love everywhere you go, first of all in your own house. give love to your children, to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor. let no one ever come to you without leaving better, happier. be the living example of god's kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your warm smile."
"reach high, for stars lie hidden in your soul. dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal."

mother theresa.




 

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