the porta-potti.

i don’t really like sleeping with other creatures these days or these years. i love other creatures, just not in my house and certainly not in my bed. i’m ok with house-plants, although not generally in my bed, but that’s about it. the problem is i wake up feeling like i’ve got a vice-grip on my head and not the cheap plastic type: a real good industrial one.

it hasn’t always been this way. when i was much younger there was a brief but memorable period of time during which i actually couldn’t sleep without my girlfriend. apparently, she had no problem sleeping without me. she may have had a problem sleeping without her other guy, but i don’t know. the point is that these issues are learned, conditioned, so i’m sure it can change. in the meantime, i do appreciate living on my own and my preferred form of travel is in a recreational vehicle.

so, had you been wondering where i was this past sunday, you would’ve had to call. because as a matter of fact i was at the ottawa rv show way the heck out at the ey centre. someone did call, apparently from the congo, but i didn’t answer. i love looking at all the rvs: the teardrop trailers, the tent trailers, the class b and c motor-homes, the diesel pushers, truck-campers and so on. i enjoy walking around and through them. however, the high-point of the day was when i ended up showing a couple of lovely old ladies how to use a porta-potti. 

one of the women was short, somewhat fluffy. her friend was tall and thin. together they had kind, friendly eyes, easy smiles and i watched them struggling with one of those things for a while. the three of us had wandered into a small camping trailer at around the same time and they’d pulled the potti out from under a cabinet. the trailer was too small for a bathroom. nevertheless, for twenty-thousand bucks it generously included the porta-potti, something the ladies clearly had never ever seen before, let alone ever used. i imagined they were old friends toying with the idea of going on an adventure together. and i was frankly captivated by the fun they were already having.

while fiddling and trying to understand what it was, however, i watched with amusement as they inadvertently pulled the two sections of the porta-potti apart. they immediately became terribly afraid they’d broken the thing. so at that point i felt i had to inject myself into the situation. i showed them how to easily clip the two parts back together and they were greatly relieved, grateful, and also suitably impressed with my knowledge of such exotic equipment. 

of course i didn’t leave it at that. for their edification i explained what it was and how to use it. they were surprised, fascinated, perhaps even shocked. but they were also clearly amused. so of course i didn’t leave it at that. i proceeded to even give them a demonstration. obviously i kept my pants on, in case you were wondering. but i opened the lid and sat on its well-constructed seat with a flourish as the ladies howled and clutched each other.   

eventually the three of us spilled out of the camper and i noticed the dealership’s attendant out of the corner of my eye. she had a look upon her face as if to say: ‘i do not get paid nearly enough for this.’ and one of the old ladies, still laughing, called back to me: “hey, you should come with us next summer.” but, of course, these days i travel alone.