Thursday, October 19, 2017

Go With The Flow.


My urologist Dr. Adamson was always happy to see me. I suppose I was a little something different for the guy. He couldn't possibly have seen too many bramachari yogi/Buddhist monk types sitting in his bland grey-toned, window-less waiting room. He smilingly waved me into his office without even the customary announcement of my name. We chatted a minute or two before he launched into asking me the usual questions, only this time I was not willing to be dismissed as usual with the 'quality of life' speech: I wanted some action.

He admitted there was a new much less intrusive procedure and he‘d be able to arrange it at the Gatineau Hospital where he was Head of Urology. In fact the hospital had only just recently acquired the most current state-of-the-art technology for that. But an exploratory examination would have to be done first. In the meantime, the doctor insisted I try a new pill. "I know you don't like taking pills and that they haven't worked in the past," he acknowledged. "Only these new ones are really effective with no side-effects whatsoever." I found that pretty hard to swallow, so to speak, but he insisted. "No side-effects whatsoever." I pressed him a bit further on that point until he finally said: "Well, the only thing is you won't be able to... release." My eyebrows shot up, I laughed and blurted: "Don't you call that a friggin side-effect!? I call that a side-effect!" Probably out of a sense of self defence he quickly shot back: "What do you care? You told me you don't ever do that anyway." It was a valid point but, as I then said, I prefer to have a choice.

Before leaving his office the doctor grinned up at me and repeated something he'd said to me on more than one previous occasion. "Nathan, you need a little pleasure in your life."  As I walked out I responded: "Well it's always a pleasure to see you." Then as I made my way through the bland grey-toned, windowless waiting room I wondered if that had sounded just a little bit gay. I took the pills, for a while. As usual they didn't work and we will never know if I could... release or not.

I was nervous on the morning of the exploratory examination. The thought of having my ‘little brother’ frozen and a camera inserted just did not sound like a wonderful way to start my day. Sitting around the waiting room, however, in the proverbial flimsy cotton hospital gown was at least as traumatic and as painful in its way. The bad news was, which I coulda told the doctor years earlier, the flow was interrupted, and I prefer to go with the flow, so the procedure was scheduled and I was left with my thoughts.

On the day of the actual operation I wasn't nervous at all. My papers were all in order, my 'Last Will and Testosterone' was written, the plants were watered, the stove was off and I had showered. At the hospital I was admitted and placed in a room, told to undress. As I lay in the bed I watched through the large window as a bright sun rose up over the city of Gatineau.

Eventually a lovely nurse came and began putting electrodes all over my chest. "What's that for?," I asked. "It's to check your heart." I smiled up at her. "It's been broken," I said. "How did that happen?," she asked. "It was by a girl almost as pretty as you."


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