the problem with perfection.

it was a dark and stormy night. ok it actually wasn't at all but i always wanted to start a story like that. one recent lovely summer evening i sat down to put my truck up for sale again. and people wanted it again. safe to say folks were hot for it again. only in the morning i changed my mind again. i thought maybe i'm just restless and needing a change although i resist change. maybe i want another camper although i don't actually go anywhere. everything's pretty much perfect the way it is. and that's the problem.

i thought maybe i'll renovate only i don't need to. then i thought hey maybe i'll find a girlfriend but really why(?) ok that one was scary so i revisited the camper idea. i answered an ad for an old camper and drove out to beckwith to see the thing. it was all wrong and i knew it was all wrong before i even went and yet i drove all the way. so then as i toodled on home i thought eureka i got it! i'm gonna finally sell the house and move to my cottage. i'd been thinking about it for long enough. and as soon as i got home i began packing two huge suitcases, wrote up an ad, posted it on-line and drove to the lake. it was a final firm decision that i felt ferfectly fine about.

then at about nine-thirty at night while sitting on the thread-bare cottage sofa listening to a cbc program about old people divorcing i noticed a friggin mouse crawling around the kitchen. i watched it sniffing the loaf of bread the bowl of fruit and all around. and it kinda dawned on me that i actually don't wanna watch a friggin mouse sniffing my bread and my fruit and all around. so i packed back up and drove home and unpacked and cancelled the ad for my house. i wrote an ad to sell the cottage instead. it was midnight and had been a tremendously full-on wonderful day.

you gotta understand that my house is virtually the first place i've lived on either side of the world in which i do not have rodents sniffing my fruit so to speak. and while it's not a big issue and easy to deal with, that's not the point. the point is there's an innate problem with perfection. like when everything is in fact perfect and yet one remains ridiculously restless desirous and desperately dissatisfied one has to really recognize that the solution to the problem of perfection must finally be found within.

aristotle allegedly wrote: "i count a person braver who overcomes desires than one who conquers enemies; for the hardest victory is over self."

a moose is not just a moose.

a few weeks ago i went to the 'omega wild-game park' outside montebello. i'd been wanting to go for quite some time, to see all the creatures, especially moose. so i finally threw some clothing, a toothbrush and my lethargy into a satchel and headed east.

as far as i could recall i'd never seen a moose. i'd seen plenty of deer, of course, rabbits, racoons, skunks, otters. in india i'd seen lotsa water-buffalo, a couple of mountain-lions, elephants, camels, even a leopard one time. i've seen whales, porpoises, bear and even a komoda dragon. never a moose. it seemed i finally needed to settle on a game park for that.

several years ago i drove all the way out east: nova scotia, p.e.i., cape breton and back. mostly, yes, i wanted to see a moose but never did. all the way along i saw road-signs telling me to watch out for the moose, and never did. it was kinda irritating actually. eventually i heard that if you drive along cape breton's cabot trail in the early morning you gotta go slow 'cause you'll bump into them. well, i went really early and really slow and, nope, not a hint of a moose. i got excited at one point because in the misty distance i saw the distinct shape of a large one. then as i approached carefully i realized it was in fact a plywood cut-out sign advertising a place called 'the moose motel.'

anyway, i drove to montebello, checked into a terrible little motel that i liked quite a lot, and spent the afternoon walking around the town. lovely town, although tough for vegetarians. the motel was simple, clean, not much to it. it did have an above-ground swimming pool closely surrounded by a chain-link fence that made the whole affair look kinda like a medium-security penitentiary, and the gate was locked. i couldn't find the proprietor, or guard, at the time so i never did take a swim. but, i was very comfortable, the people were nice and i slept like a baby with hutchinson-gilford progeria syndrome.

the park was great. i arrived mid-morning, bought a bag of carrots at the entrance store and followed the as yet thin line of cars through. you gotta keep the window half-closed (or half open, depending on your point of view.) otherwise you might find the head of a deer, elk or even a buffalo drooling onto your lap. they really really like carrots. i totally loved seeing all the different deer, elk, even pigs. but as i drove around the park there wasn't so much as a road-sign with a picture of a moose.

there was a brief stop and walk-around at a hobby-farm. and as i made my way back to the car i paused to feed a carrot and pat a fawn. but i couldn't help noticing the deer-ticks all over the thing so decided not to get any chummier, quickly jumped back in the car and carried on.

i saw loads of buffalo with mammoth-sized heads, coyote, black-bear and even arctic wolves. at one point i offered a carrot to one of the park employees but he did not find my gesture the least bit amusing. then, just as i began losing all hope of ever seeing a moose in this life, there were a couple large majestic ones as i turned a corner. one stood behind a fence while another strode lazily along through their area behind. they looked just so beautiful to me. i stopped the car and just watched for a while.

"every name, from straw all the way to elephant, is a name of god." 'light of knowledge' by swami shyam.