the bad hair days.

"the only way to deal with an unfree world is to make yourself so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion." albert camus.

once we came down with early onset pandemic, fact-checking became the new normal. and yet doubts and questions personally persisted along the journey. much of what i heard or read from all sides of the gurney seemed questionable, slanted, planted, unreasonable, unfeasible, non-sensible and often indefensible. pundits and know-it-alls trucked in belligerently arguing even today over yesterday and tomorrow. was it necessary to shut 'er down? were the jabs safe, mandates fair and was it right to cut my own hair? i don't know. but i can report with a high degree of certainty at least that cutting my own hair was, unfortunate.

taking an old dull beard-trimmer to my mop seemed reasonable at the time. it was all well and good while isolating and peoples never got closer than two hockey-sticks' distance outside, where there was supposedly less of the bad stuff floating 'round, and anyway i religiously wore a cap. but i stopped wiping down bananas with disinfectant soonest whilst continuing on to cut my hair. long after barbershops and salons opened, as i began mingling with humans in shops, cafes and even the gym, i stubbornly wielded that evil medieval contraption. and frankly i'm looking a bit like i tried to fix a radiation leak at our friendly neighbourhood nuclear power plant without proper gear.

before we were strictly staycationing i'd visit my favourite stylist on a regular basis. she was, and i presume still is, a vietnamese lady and we got on famously in spite of my inability to understand a word she ever said. of course you can't make a mercedes out of a volkswagen, i used to say, only she courageously tried and i'd end up presentable, like maybe a chevy. i really should find out if she's out there somewhere. 

unfortunately, it may be a little late for me. my hair just doesn't grow much anymore. it used to. my hair used to grow quite nicely, before pfizer, the virus and all that screen time. all i'm saying is that one bad haircut now lasts months, months and months, and i don't know why. i'd love to know why, the truth of a lost youth, mindfulness or mindlessness replacing confusion, subterfusion and i'm not holding out a lotta hope. was it ok to shut 'er down, vaccines safe, mandates fair, cut my hair, and who killed kennedy? 

there are a thousand ways to die, but only one way to live and "the older i get, the more i find that you must live with those who free you, who love you from a lighter affection to bear as strong as you can to experience today's life that is too hard, too bitter, too anemic, for us to undergo new bondages, from whom we love. this is how i am your friend, i love your happiness, your freedom, your adventure in one word, and i would like to be for you the companion we are sure of, always." albert camus.