how do you like me now?

a couple of weeks ago, i received an email roundly complaining about a blog posting and i felt terrible. i felt discouraged, deflated. it put me right off my morning coffee and toast. a day or two later, however, i got a lovely email highly praising that very same posting and i felt wonderful, even elated. a couple of days ago, i received an email complaining bitterly about my latest blog posting and i felt sorry. i had to add extra sugar to my coffee and slather extra butter on my toast. then, hardly a half-hour later, i received an email praising that posting and i felt marvellous, absolutely marvellous.

it all reminded me of a time in india when i gave a speech in front of about two-hundred-and-fifty people that blew everyone outta the proverbial water. i was especially incredible that day. i was on fire. everyone wanted to shake my hand afterward and i felt so so good. a couple of weeks later, however, i was asked to give another speech and i bombed. i put my foot so far into my mouth i began to choke. people would not look at me afterward. some of my best friends crossed the street to avoid me and i felt so so bad.

somewhere along the line one has to realize that's no way to live. you're not just as good as your last speech or your last blog posting, your last project or even your last interaction. at some point one really has to get off that wheel, but how? here's one simple, down-to-earth, powerful and fool-proof exit strategy:

when you sit down alone, you may not like what you're thinking, feeling, hearing etc, but you know it's gonna change. sometimes when you sit for a while, you'll like what you're thinking, feeling, hearing etc, but you know that's gonna change too. i suggest you simply watch it all. just be the uninvolved observer. don't try to get away from anything you don't like even, within reason, physical pain. don't try to hold on to anything you like. for five, ten or more minutes a day, just be the uninvolved watcher. over time, you will gain an ability to act creatively rather than react blindly to events in your life. there is a huge amount of personal power that comes with just a little freedom.

now you may be thinking: 'wait one cotton-pickin minute. the guy started by telling us how he's up and down like a friggin yoyo, according to whether he's being praised or pilloried. why should i accept this ridiculous, flaky new-age suggestion?' you may be thinking: 'this guy is basically suggesting i do absolutely nothing. he's telling me to just watch? what a total jerk.' if indeed that is your thinking, please keep it to yourself. i do not take criticism well.

the slippery slope.

editor's note: i myself am having second thoughts about my reference to eskimo tradition. although my information comes from a reliable source, i may not have put the ancient, repsected culture in the proper light and for that i apologize. i may take further action, make further changes, but wanted to add this asap. regards; nathan. ps; actually, no. it's all good...

i've been thinking about death a lot lately. i know. i know. i write about death often. that's because i think about life often. but, it's not just me. there's been a lot of talk lately about end-of-life assisted suicide. i never used to think about death. of course, i was younger then. i had a great jump-shot, a full head of hair and i could maintain a, a, a conversation without forgetting the topic.

everyone has heard that eskimos used to put their old folks out on the ice to die when they could no longer contribute. of course, if not contributing were the main consideration, i would've been floating down-stream a long time ago. and one has to wonder how compliant those old folks were as they got shunted on to the ice without a sweater. the question begs asking: were they waving happily goodby or hollering about how much better they've been feeling lately? the fact is, it was apparently not the usual practice, more often just when times were pretty desperate.

a basic pillar of ancient buddhism, of course, is non-violence. therefore, euthanasia was not really considered a right action under any circumstances. they also believe that the suffering of the unfortunate person would only be transferred to his or her or its next life. there's not a lot in judaism about an after-life. i read somewhere that was a reaction against ancient egypt's preoccupation with an after-life. in either case, i have found no indication of assisted end-of-life suicides, but those groups have always been open and even eager to help each other in that regard. in ancient greece and rome, physicians apparently often prescribed poisonous medicines to end their patients' suffering. in the 1800s the use of morphine began to attract alot of attention for the purpose of an easier exit.

it's interesting that euthanasia began to gain popularity in the 1930s during the great depression. 'popularity' may be an unfortunate choice of words, but certainly the eskimos seemed somewhat to be on the right track, or ice floe. it has been a slippery slope since then. dr. death, as jack kavorkian was euphemistically called, assisted in his first suicide in 1990. he even assisted in a suicide on television in 1998. he was convicted of murder a year later, which is curious considering the show had tremendous ratings.

personally, i don't like the idea of assisted suicides any more than i like the idea of abortion. but i cannot imagine judging anyone who may be actually facing the situation, no matter their decision. i've never been pregnant and the only time i ever considered 'checking out' was when, at the age of 48, i moved back in with my parents after 23 years in india. my mom kept angrily telling me to stop wagging my head and she positively barked at me: "shut up with the 'no problem no problem' already!" i did in fact check out soon after and that's how i ended up in wakefield, but that's another story.

'perhaps they are not stars but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.' eskimo proverb.

blog post deleted upon request.

i have deleted the blog posting called: 'tatiana' upon request. i have left a comment in its place. feel free to check that out. one thing is for sure: a writer of any worth is going to offend someone's conditions at some point and hopefully many at many points... 

it's all god 'til somebody gets hurt.

now, i'd like to write down a few thoughts regarding racial discrimination. firstly, i'd like to categorically state that i am against it. if there was a referendum on the issue i would vote 'no.' i suppose the question would be something like: 'are you in favour of hating and therefore horribly abusing people who don't look like you?' the fact is, once again, i don't get it. what's the big deal? why would i want everyone to look like me? have you seen me?

i'm not saying that i'm ugly, exactly. i'm just saying i wouldn't want everyone looking like me. i appreciate a little variety. it's the spice of life after all. i suppose if, like donald trump, you believe mexicans are rapists by nature, you'd vote 'yes.' i suppose if, like donald sterling, you believe blacks are to be socially avoided, you'd vote 'yes.' i suppose if, like donald duck, you couldn't care less what race, creed or color a person is, you'd be enlightened. bingo. thanks for playing.

all great religions of the world began with one person, from jesus to buddha, from krishna to nanak, standing up and exclaiming: 'hey, wait one minute. holy smokes! it has just occurred to me that, in fact, we are all one life, all one love.'

love is cool.

the argument that rages still over same sex marriage is beyond me. i don't understand what all the fuss is about. i really don't. lgbt lovers presumably love their lovers. isn't that what counts? am i missing something?

on facebook, we are regularly treated to videos of cats loving birds, birds loving monkeys, monkeys loving tigers. we are treated to videos of dogs loving rabbits, fawns, horses, pigs and even elephants. i saw a video of a dog riding on a dolphin. we enjoy seeing those unusual shows of affection. we like all those even though their love is not 'traditional.' in fact, we like those specifically because their love is not 'traditional.' and lgbt folks are all human folks. love is love. love is cool. it's pretty simple.

i read about a case in india some years back of a girl wanting to marry her dog, and it was eventually allowed! i hope they've been happy together. otherwise, that would put a whole new meaning to ending up in the dog-house. in this case i must admit that marrying a dog seems a weeee bit weird, but it's all good, especially if you think about it from the dog's point of view. my point of view is that the question of gay marriage is a no-brainer.

i'll tell you what relationship really was weird: my mom and dad's relationship was weird. they argued every day for 63 years. nobody ever said that relationship was unnatural. no. that seemed to be perfectly acceptable. about a year after my mom's passing, i asked my 91-year-old dad if he missed her. he thought for just a moment before smiling at me: "no," he said. "i have a young malaysian girl taking care of me now."

"gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else." chris rock.